~

PUSSY SHOT FOR HNT #4

~

Feeling shy tonight, this will have to do.

The cold and flu season is upon us.

Be sure and get your flu shot before it's too late.

My this is attractive isn't it?

Married Men Please Read!!!!

I recently joined an adult personals site and in less than 24 hours, my inbox has been bombarded by married or otherwise attached men looking for hot, wet, nasty sex that they "can't get at home" or "our sex life is vanilla, I'm looking for strawberries n cream" or "our sexlife is unfulfilling" or "our sexlife is non-existant" or " my wife won't do what I want".

I asked 3 of these guys if their wives EVER did what they wanted and they all said yes. Well guess what fellas, they still will but you need to get things going again. Why do these men all feel it's up to the wives or girlfriends to keep their sex life lively?

Ask yourself, what is different now? I'll tell you...you're treating her like a wife in bed....yawn! How did you treat her when you first met her? You treated her like the hot chick you wanted to have sex with...passion... lust...fireworks. You're in a rut so break out of it. I bet she's just as hungry as you are.

Start dating her again. Not mushy flowers and I love you's. Take her to a rock concert then to bed! Come home early and attack her in the middle of the day like you just laid eyes on her. Give her hot, wet, nasty sex...that's what you wanted when you emailed me wasn't it?

If you don't, perhaps she will get an adult personals ID and send emails to men saying she can't get what she needs at home and like you, she'll get it elsewhere.

~Livi getting off her soapbox now and hoping to hear from SINGLE men.~

Kinky shopper KOed by vibrating knickers
The IT angle? Who cares?
By Lester Haines

The following cautionary tale must surely rate in the top five of "most embarrassing things that can happen to you in public - ever". According to UK tabloid the Sun, a 33-year-old Welsh housewife ended up in hospital after wearing Ann Summers vibrating Passion Pants to her local Asda supermarket in Swansea.
Unfortunately, she became "so aroused by the 2½-inch vibrating bullet inside that she fainted" then "fell against shelves and banged her head". This prompted the attendance of the paramedics who "found the black leatherette panties still buzzing". Having disabled the orgasmatronic underwear, they then whisked the senseless shopper to hospital where she made a complete recovery. Staff handed her back the Passion Pants upon discharge, discreetly concealed in a plastic bag.
To its credit, the Sun does not name the woman. We assume, however, that she will be shopping at her local Tesco for the next ten years or so, or until everyone in the Asda who witnessed her ordeal is dead or has succumbed to total amnesia - whichever comes soonest.
For the record, Ann Summers notes that Passion Pants are "Not for internal use". Now we know why. ®
Bootnote
Thanks to all those members of the neoLuddite Resistance Army who have written in to suggest that this is in fact another manifestation of the Rise of the Machines™. The elimination of the female of the species through vibrating panties? It's a chilling thought, but what a way to go...

Published Wednesday 18th May 2005 12:04 GMTGet breaking Reg news straight to your desktop - click here to find out how

Caption Challenge...how would you caption this photo?

"Can You Hear Me Now?"

Romanian police caught a female mobile phone thief by dialling the stolen phone - and hearing it ringing from her bum.

Police in Iasi stopped Petronela Brandus, 24, as she tried to get off a bus after other passengers said they saw her steal a mobile phone.

But after a search failed to find the phone, police decided to call the number to see where it was and heard a muffled ringing coming from under the woman's dress. She was taken to a local police station where a strip search by female police officers revealed she had hidden it up her bottom, local daily 7 Plus reported.

Officer Madalin Taranu said: "We've had people hiding things in their bras and knickers before, but this was a new one.

"The station doctor extracted the phone and we sprayed it with disinfectant before handing it back to its owner."

Story filed: 10:18 Tuesday 13th September 2005 on Ananova.

Beer Goggles

Is that Rachel Hunter over there?


Beer goggles trick the eye from "The Daily Mail"........

Scientists have revealed a formula to calculate how "beer goggles" affect a drinker's vision. The well-known booze-fuelled phenomenon gradually transforms ugly people into beauties - until the morning after.

Now researchers at Manchester University can explain and quantify the effect after developing a formula. And while beauty is in the sight of the beer-holder, the amount of alcohol consumed is not the only factor in the beer goggle effect, researchers say.

Additional factors include the level of light in the pub or club, the drinkers own eyesight, the smokiness of the room and the distance between two people. All add up to make the aesthetically challenged more attractive, according to the formula.

Professor Nathan Efron, Professor of Clinical Optometry at the University of Manchester, said: "The beer goggles effect isn't solely dependent on how much alcohol a person consumes, there are other influencing factors at play too. "The formula shows for example, that a person with poor vision who's talking to someone in a very smoky bar will be experiencing a beer goggles effect close to someone who has consumed eight pints in a smoke-free and well-lit room."


Final score
The formula can work out a final score to measure the effect.
Less than 1, means no beer goggle effect - an "ugly" person remains ugly.
A score of 1-50 means a slight beer goggle effect - making a person you would normally find very unattractive slightly less "visually offensive".
A score of 51 - 100 means a moderate beer goggle effect - a person who is by no means appealing becomes suddenly sexually attractive.
A score of more than 100 means a severe beer goggle effect - the "minger" you were talking to an hour ago now looks like Kylie Minogue or George Clooney.

The professor added: "Thus, for example, someone with normal vision (6/6) who has consumed five pints of beer and views a person 1.5 metres away in a fairly smoky (grade 7) and poorly lit (30 candelas per square metre) room will score 55, which means that they would suffer from a moderate beer goggle effect.

"Increasing beer consumption to eight pints would give a score of 140, leading to a severe beer goggle effect." The research was commissioned by Bausch & Lomb PureVision, one of the world's biggest eyecare firms, after polling more than 1,000 SpeedDater members.

The researchers failed to discuss the related phenomenon: the "Coyote Ugly Syndrome" (CUS) wherein self-inflicted amputation often follows myopic episodes of tiny bubble connsumption. Researchers at the University of Wyoming in Cheyenne have also pointed out that the CUS is not restricted to coyotes but also occured in the case of trapped wolves in Wyoming, Montana, North Dakota, and Minnesota as well as in Canada during the late 19th and early 20th centuries.The "three-legged wolf syndrome" was prevalent during this time due the the tendency of trappers to over-indulge in alcoholic spirits and, as a result, failed to run their trap lines for several days at a time.

... and of course one can't forget PWS, or Polish Wolf Syndrome, where the wolf chews off three of his legs and is still trapped.

"Fat? I'm not fat, I'm just big boned!"



Hope everyone had a great turkey day, looks
like this guy sure did.

Way Back Wednesday


Remember cute little Jimmy from H.R. Pufnstuf?



What the fuck happened?

I'm feeling old again! :-(

So much for having friends you can trust!!!

Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match

Bambi, did Match.com pay you to go out with me?


No, of course not Herman, girls like me go out with guys like you everyday!

Match.com, one of the top Internet dating websites, has been accused of hiring people as "date bait" to date some of their one million customers to encourage them to keep paying for the service.
A Los Angeles racketeering lawsuit said the lonely hearts website secretly recruited people to send enticing emails to its customers and to go out on dates with them as a way of getting them to keep up their 30 dollars monthly subscription.

The company's ringers, branded "date bait", went on as many as 100 dates a month -- three per day -- with Match.com customers, who use the site to search for boyfriends, girlfriends, and possible husbands and wives. "The paid Match.com employee then goes on a date with the subscriber, gives the deceptive appearance of having a lot in common with the subscriber ... with the intent of luring the subscriber into re-signing with Match.com," the suit alleges.

The suit charges as well that when a customer's subscription was expiring, Match.com produced fake responses to customers, suggesting another person had an interest in meeting them, in order to prod them to resubscribe.

"Hiding behind Match.com's portrait of online success is a very big, very dirty secret ... Not everyone you meet and date through Match.com is just another Match.com member," said the lawsuit, filed in a Los Angeles court on November 10.

Say Cheese...

The holidays are here and what better way to celebrate than with a family portrait. They make great Christmas cards.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan and never let you forget you're a man cuz I'm a Woman!!! I made a cake today from scratch...so what? Well I rarely ever get any time in the kitchen because I'm always working but today I got in touch with the happy homemaker inside and made a peach upside down pudding cake for a bake sale. Here's a pic of some of the slices before I put them in ziplock bags for sale. Best of all I didn't burn the house down. Happy Dance!!!

Countdown...1 week to go!

"Hey, I just heard farmer Ted say that next Thursday, we are going to be guests of honor for dinner!"

"No...you must have misunderstood."

"I'm telling ya, it's true and it's going to be formal too because he told his wife we should be dressed for dinner!"

"Ooh how exciting, I think i'll wear my basic black dress with pearls."

BTW...these are my parents actual PET turkeys and will not be eaten.

Seriously!!!!

HNT #2

Ok, so this week is much tamer but at least I won't feel the need to remove it. Here's half of me...that's all ya get! I have the next 4 days off. Yippee! I plan to shop tomorrow then paint my bedroom and then lay around like a slug and watch DVD's...real exciting. Hey Velma, send me the Geek personals link...I need a man!!

It's Like Looking In A Mirror II

Amazing isn't it? They could be twins!

No reason, just eye candy to increase my blog traffic...enjoy. Her name is Vida Guerra.

Black Friday

Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving in the United States, is historically one of the busiest retail shopping days of the year. Many consider it the "official" beginning to the Christmas shopping season.

The "black" in the name comes from the standard accounting practice of using red ink to denote negative values (i.e., losses) and black ink to denote positive values (profits). Black Friday is the day when retailers traditionally get back "in the black" after operating "in the red" for the previous months.


I HATE BLACK FRIDAY!!!!!

You will NOT find me out there with all those crazy women slapping and clawing their way to the last pair of pink Uggs for their little girl and the latest Star Wars video game for their husband. No no no...not me. I don't like getting baby stroller heel and banged in the ass by shopping carts and sprayed with the latest perfumes at Macy's and don't even get me started on the horrible Christmas music!


No ladies, I will be staying out of your way while you run like banshee's through the aisles risking and losing both life and limb and to show how good of a sport I am, here are 2 websites you should sign up on to get emailed the very latest Black Friday secret sales so you'll know what stores to line up in front of at 5am...crazy bitches!

Black Friday 1

Black Friday 2

Speaking of Eraserhead...WTF?

Ok, I saw this 1977 David Lynch movie last night....freaky! I'm at a loss as to what it all meant but I don't regret seeing it. I do wonder what the hell was wrong with the freak show blonde woman with the puffy face who kept singing a song about heaven...weird. If you haven't seen it, take a hit of something, watch it and then tell me what it meant, ok?

Saturday Night Is Movie Night...

I'll be watching Eraserhead on DVD but I'd rather be watching, Ladies & Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains.

This was a favorite movie of mine many years ago. I first saw it on Night Flight, an old cable show that showed great uncut, unedited videos and movies geared to the 80's youth. This 1981 movie starred Diane Lane who played Corrine Burns who starts her own band, The Fabulous Stains, after her mother's death. The Stains get their first taste of success tagging along with a punk band, The Looters, and a busload of fading rockers — the appropriately named Metal Corpses headed by Fee Waybill from The Tubes and a British band composed of ex-Sex Pistols Paul Cook and Steve Jones and Clash bassist Paul Simonon. In the inexplicable way such things happen, Corinne and her pals leapfrog the men and become overnight stars, in spite of sounding much like the early Shaggs.

Seeing as the band lacks talent, Corinne pioneers an apparently unforgettable look — "skunk" hairdo, lightning eye makeup, little black lace panties — and follows up the image by verbally assaulting her audience and droning songs with too apt titles like "I’m a Waste of Time." She energizes what looks like an army of teen girls, who become clones of her right down to the hair and panties and duplicitous screaming mantra "We don’t put out!"

It's a cult classic never released by Paramount and went straight to tv but recently was released in limited quantities on DVD and I've been trying to get my hands on a copy at a reasonable price with no luck. I'm currently in yet another ebay bidding war as we speak so if anyone knows where I can get an unedited copy, let me know and if you get a chance to see it, do so.

All My Ex's Live In Texas....

Loneliness. That feeling of emptiness or hollowness inside you. The feeling that you are isolated or separated from the world, cut off from those you would like to have contact with.

It sucks!

I've been on my own now for 13 years. Day in, day out, every responsibility is mine, every important decision made alone. It's so tiring, depressing, scary and overwhelming.

I look around and see the world paired off in Noah's ark fashion and I feel like the odd ball. How come everyone else found someone? Why isn't anyone interested in me? Am I going to be all alone for the rest of my life? No husband, no children, no family traditions, no crayon drawings on the fridge, no wishing we could get out of going to Thanksgiving at the in-laws this year. No family vacations, recitals, soccer games, proms, graduations or anniversaries.


I've been waiting my whole life to find out what my purpose in life is but it has yet to rear it's head. What's it all for? As Jack said "What if this is as good as it gets?"

Sigh....everyday I wake up with hope that my life will change and everynight I lie down with the same old life....hoping for a better tomorrow. But today something happened...not to me but to about 1300 people in my field, their jobs are being moved out of state to Tennessee and many will not go. This may be the opportunity I've been looking for. Sell the house and get one of those jobs and start over in Nashville.

Clean slate! Could my life be a do'over? Shake that etch-a-sketch that is my life and try again? The thought of moving 2000 miles away to a state where I know no one could make me feel even more isolated but who knows, my soul mate could be there waiting for me.

Should I stay or should I go? Course actually getting the job would help me decide.

What would you do?

RIP Thumper!!!

"Thumper ???? - 2005"

Tonight I found out why they named him Thumper. It wasn't because he thumps when he hops. It's because of the sound he makes when your back tire hits him..."thump, thump!"

I got my first mountain kill. They say up here that you aren't considered a true mountain resident until you survive a winter (done that 3 years now), buy mountain real estate and live in it full time (done that 3 years now), wake up next to a creepy mountain man after a night of drinking at The Stockade (no comment) and make your first road kill.

There I was, going about 57mph, in a 55mph so it wasn't my fault when the little fluffy, brown critter hopped across the street in front of my new car. I missed him with the front wheels but then it happened, THUMP! Such a sad sound...but what an idiot. The road is smack dab in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of nowhere on both sides...no need to cross the dang road.

Dumb bunny...dumb dead bunny. Gotta go wash the car now.

I Knew It, Evil Gov't Bastards

Hell, what am I going to wear now?

On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets:

An Empirical StudyAbstractAmong a fringe community of paranoids, aluminum helmets serve as the protective measure of choice against invasive radio signals.

We investigate the efficacy of three aluminum helmet designs on a sample group of four individuals. Using a $250,000 network analyser, we find that although on average all helmets attenuate invasive radio frequencies in either directions (either emanating from an outside source, or emanating from the cranium of the subject), certain frequencies are in fact greatly amplified. These amplified frequencies coincide with radio bands reserved for government use according to the Federal Communication Commission (FCC). Statistical evidence suggests the use of helmets may in fact enhance the government's invasive abilities.

We theorize that the government may in fact have started the helmet craze for this reason.

The full paper is available on the MIT website: http://people.csail.mit.edu/rahimi/helmet/

Ooh Rah Rah

So these Carolina Panther cheerleaders decide to get busy with some sweet lesbian love in a woman's bathroom stall, piss off some women waiting, get arrested and fired....idiots. Seems if they had chosen the men's room instead, no one would have complained.......pulled up some chairs, got out their Canons (camera's not cocks) and pulled a keg in there but, no, no complaints. Get it right next time girls. Who wants to bet they get Hustler or Playboy layouts now?

People I'd Like To Bitch Slap

I want to try a new weekly posting called, "People I'd Like To Bitch Slap!" just to ease my frustrations and I'm sure many of you will agree that these people need a good bitch slapping too. In fact feel free to respond with your own bitch slap nominees.

So, this weeks red faced victims are....


G.W. Bush (he'll be a regular)
Paris Hilton
Chris Ashworth (don't ask)
Psycho Bitch At Work
The Cop hiding behind the bushes just waiting to catch me doing 80mph
Brittany Spears
Dr. Phil
Dr. Laura
Michael Bolton (another regular)
Giada De Laurentiis (somebody hold her down and feed her!)

more next week...I promise!!!

WARNING!!! The CDC has discovered the first case of Bird Flu...in Orlando!

"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him."- G.W. Bush, 9/13/01

Exactly six moths later: "I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." "I am truly not that concerned about him."- G.W. Bush, 3/13/02


If there is any one thing that could stay or even resurrect Bush's abysmal descent into the depths of political ignominy it would be to kill or capture bin Laden. We know it and the world knows it. So why hasn't it happened?

There must be a reason. It is probable that bin Laden is in Pakistan where Pervez Musharraf is president. Where two years ago, Dr. Abdul Qadeer Khan, who is revered in Pakistan as the father of the country's nuclear bomb, appeared on a state-run television network in Islamabad and confessed that he had been solely responsible for operating an international black market in nuclear-weapons materials.

A. Q. Khan can bring a plain piece of paper and show me how to get it done—the countries, people, and telephone numbers. 'This is the guy in Russia who can get you small quantities of enriched uranium. You in Malaysia will manufacture the stuff. Here's who will miniaturize the warhead. And then go to North Korea and get the damn missile.' ” He added, “This is not a few scientists pocketing money and getting rich. It's a state policy.”

These are people who've done nothing but covert operations: One, screw India. Two, deceive America. Three, expand Pakistan's influence in the Islamic community. And, four, continue to spread nuclear technology.” He paused. “Musharraf is trying to put out the fire with the help of the people who started the fire,” he said.“Much of this has been known for decades to the American intelligence community,” Haqqani added. “Sometimes you know things and don't want to do anything about it. Americans need to know that your government is not only downplaying this but covering it up. You go to bed with our I.S.I. They know how to suck up to you. You let us get away with everything. Why can't you be more honest? There's no harm in telling us the truth—'Look, you're an ally but a very disturbing ally.' You have to nip some of these things in the bud.”The former senior American intelligence official was equally blunt. He told me, “Khan was willing to sell blueprints, centrifuges, and the latest in weaponry. He was the worst nuclear-arms proliferator in the world and he's pardoned—with not a squeak from the White House.”

Robert Gallucci, a former United Nations weapons inspector who is now dean of the Georgetown University School of Foreign Service, calls A. Q. Khan “the Johnny Appleseed” of the nuclear-arms race. Gallucci, who is a consultant to the C.I.A. on proliferation issues, told me, “Bad as it is with Iran, North Korea, and Libya having nuclear-weapons material, the worst part is that they could transfer it to a non-state group. That's the biggest concern, and the scariest thing about all this—that Pakistan could work with the worst terrorist groups on earth to build nuclear weapons. There's nothing more important than stopping terrorist groups from getting nuclear weapons. The most dangerous country for the United States now is Pakistan, and second is Iran.” Gallucci went on, “We haven't been this vulnerable since the British burned Washington in 1814.”

http://www.newyorker.com/fact/content/?040308fa_fact

President Musharraf has survived several assassination attempts. If bin Laden can operate with impunity in a country with nuclear weapons and/or gain access to these weapons we are in big trouble. This all brings me back to the question of why Bush is “not that interested in him'?

Does bin Laden or his family have something on Bush? Was a bin Laden the undisclosed person who bought Bush's Harkin stock? Why is the whole Bush family is so locked up with the Saudis? Maybe we will never know his real reasons for focusing on Sadam and not Bin Laden then or now, but it's probably safe to guess it had something to do with the Saudis. But one thing we know for sure is that Bush is a liar, a war mongering torturer and his neocon agenda takes precedent over the lives of Americans.

Work Sucks!

The Office Space Special Addition DVD is out and it looks to be a fun one. In a film that takes plenty of jabs at the nihilism of corporate life, Ron Livingston plays office drone Peter Gibbons, who conspires with his cubicle cohorts to embezzle money from their soulless employers. With help and hindrance from those around him -- including the eminently quotable workplace nerd Milton Waddams (Stephen Root) -- and the affection of waitress Joanna Jennifer Aniston, Gibbons may just find his sanity … and his revenge.

"I told those fudge packers that I liked Michael Bolton's music."

"If we get caught, we're not going to white-collar resort prison. No, no, no. We're going to federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison."

"You know what, I do want to express myself, okay. And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it."

Check it out, there's also the Office Space game to play, loads of time wasting fun.

Office Space DVD


What Office Space Character Are You?

Mmmm yeah, take it all baby..

Had a fun talk with a friend of mine last night who told me that he recently encountered the dredded "bad blow & hand job" on a date.

Now don't get him wrong, he along with all guys are grateful when we give it the o'l school try but a really bad blow job can be frustrating and disappointing (come on ladies, we all have had that bad licker ourselves...ain't fun is it)?

We discussed techniques, do's and dont's, for example, the
"Orange Julius" hand technique that is passed around between
the women as something that will blow his mind, isn't really a fav.

So ladies, it's never too early to learn those necessary power skills and just in case you missed that course or could use a refresher, here are a few tutorials for you. First one is an A to Z guide.
A to Z

This juicy story/tutorial is from a favorite blog of mine.
Hoot Island

This is a good book you can get real cheap at Amazon.com
Blow Him Away

It's Like Looking In A Mirror...

Tommy Lee...you think he got his start like these guys? I wonder which one is the drummer?



If anyone has a sound byte of these guys, please email it to me!!!!!