Tomorrow I have jury duty....boooooo! I hate jury duty. Sitting with a bunch of germy strangers who will all have the flu I promise you. So I searched for some helpful hints on how to make my stay a short one and thought I'd share.
How to get out of jury duty....Don't reply: If and when you receive a jury duty letter, there will surely be a warning, stating that failure to return the form is a criminal offense and you might incur a penalty. The chance could be worth taking, as it's likely that you'll simply be removed from the process and not even receive a follow-up request.
If the authorities want to penalize you, they'll have to prove that you received the letter in the first place -- which is done by signing a registered letter. As long as you don't sign it, you're likely in the clear. Those who don't return the form might include people who were on vacation, have moved, or simply didn't pick up their mail. So if anyone wants to penalize you, be sure to show 'em your tan. By returning the letter, your name is placed in future random selection processes for potential jurors.
Are you objective?: If you are selected and receive a summons, then you are about to embark on another kind of trial, only this one consists of questions and answers to ensure you fit as a jury member for a particular case. The prosecutor, lawyer and maybe even a judge will interview you and evaluate your responses and reactions. Now of course, each side wants to make sure you are untainted and bias-free, and will offer an objective verdict. Here's where you need to use your acting abilities, especially if the case is described to you.
You know, that happened to my cousin's ex-boyfriend: If the legal staff explains the case, jog your memory for someone you know who may have been in a similar situation. If the trial is about harassment or car theft, for example, and you say that you know all about that sort of thing because it happened to a relative or a friend, you'll be deemed biased and likely disqualified.
Show prejudice: When asked questions, exaggerate your mannerisms and actions. The prosecution and defense might be inclined to choose a potential juror who is on "their side," and if you show any signs of negative subjectivity, you'll be out of there. Helpful hint: shake your head from side to side and make sounds of horror (i.e. "gasp", "tsk tsk") when told anything about the trial.
You know the witnesses: At some point before the case, the judge might read out the names of the witnesses involved with the case. Here's your chance to namedrop and proclaim, "I know Doctor Smith! He lives right next door!" If you're caught in a lie, no sweat, just say it must be another Dr. Smith (don't try this if the doctor's name is Hergovinowitz).
You know the areaSimilarly, if the crime occurred in your neighborhood, tell the legal staff that there's a strong chance you'll recognize one of the witnesses, or worse (actually better yet), the defendant.
Medical reasons: This is perhaps the most effective way to get out of jury duty: a medical problem. You might be required to prove your "condition" with a doctor's note, but something like severe migraines or stress can be enough to dismiss you. As long as the note convinces those working on the trial that you can't work long hours due to health reasons, and/or you have a condition that could impede your involvement, you're likely to be disqualified. If you can't get a medical note, take it further and say that you have to tend to your very ill relative and can't afford to be away all day, for an indeterminate amount of time.
Fake a hearing problem: This one's a spin-off of the medical condition; pretend you can't hear. Simply stare at whoever's asking the questions as if you didn't catch a word, and respond with "pardon me?" every time.
Look like a mess: When you show up for the day of questioning, appear as though you literally rolled out of bed. Bonus marks for pretending to doze off during the questions.
