Not the brightess bulb...

Q: How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to change a light bulb?

A: Ten

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed.
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed.
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb.
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or they are for .... darkness.
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Haliburton for changing the light bulb.
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: "Light Bulb Change Accomplished".
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how, in fact, Bush was literally in the dark.
8. One to viciously smear #7.
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along.
10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

Was Your Friday Like This?

Mine was...sigh. Tomorrow is another day! :-)

America's Image?


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9530938/

NEW YORK - Pictures of detainee abuse at Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison must be released despite government claims that they could damage America's image, a judge ruled Thursday.

The judge is right, and this is exactly what is wrong with the Bush administration and its supporters. They don't understand that "America's image" is already damaged, and the only way to repair it is to come, admit fault, make restitution, and put in procedures to make sure it doesn't happen again. A sense of basic honesty seems to escape them, principles that are essential whether the relationship is interpersonal or international. No one is fooled just because the pictures aren't released.

I swear, it's like catching a 6 year old closing the freezer:

"Did you eat ice cream before dinner? I asked you not to."

"No, I didn't."

"Then why is there a big chocolate ring around your mouth and drips on your shirt?"

"I dunno."

"And look here, some ice cream is gone and this was a fresh tub. So you really didn't have any?"

"No."

"So how do you explain the ring around your mouth, the stains on your shirt and the missing ice cream?"

"I dunno. You didn't see me do it..."

No wonder Bush supporters are faith-based... you'd have to be as the facts are quite disturbing.

But, but, but, what did I do?

"Well if you don't know I'm certainly NOT going to tell you!" Uh-oh, you're in trouble and can't remember why? Doesn't matter, these guys understand.

Short & Sweet Today

A Good Piece of Advice...


“When you are in deep shit, say nothing and try to be cool.”

KiKi, The Man Tamer

Her name is KiKi, a close friend of mine with a life that should be in print. Not just one novel but a whole series, in fact if this were the 80's, her story would be turned into a tv mini series and have the highest ratings for that year. I can just imagine her making her acceptance speech at the Emmy's in one of those sexy, powerful Dynasty dresses, the ones with the high shoulder pads. Those bitches knew how to dress!

Getting back to KiKi's story, she has stumbled onto one of the great mysteries of the universe; how to get a man to do whatever you want him to do. I am in awe let me tell ya because her man is a very stubborn man who thinks he knows everything, you know, normal. I won't divulge all her secrets just yet, little by little it will all come out in the wash (ain't that right Rosarita?) but let's just say that a little pleasure and a lot of pain does wonders!

Stay tuned for the next episode of KiKi the man tamer!

Ooooh Sunday Morning

Ahhhhh......it's Sunday, a day of reflection and relaxation. A day for rebirth from the previous hell week. A day for cleasning the mind, body (from all those margarita's last night) and soul.

Meditation works very well so just click here and I'd select Meditation room #2, the first one sounds like a weird cow and it's distracting plus for the guys and gals I guess, in room #2 there are images that look like twats to me...is this freudian? It's 3 minutes out of your day and you will feel better for it.

http://www.karma-net.com/meditation1.htm

Child Free Zone

At 42 and childless, I've had my moments of depression over not having kids and it's usually after seeing someones adorable little girl behaving but 5 minutes later the kid is screaming and I'm glad I didn't have any. I just don't have the patience for it, even my cat gets on my nerves.

I feel that the best reason to have kids is so there will be someone to take care of you when you're old, senile and can no longer wipe yourself. However, it appears that more often than not, the kids are too busy, too far away or too selfish to bother with their parents anyway so it's a gamble counting on them for your elderly care.

My new focus is now preparing to age alone so I'm maxing out all my retirement funds, I've already paid for and set up my demise with the Netune Society, my will is all planned out (my bitchy cousin Marie who constantly shows me pity, "Awwwwww...how sad for you, your life must be so empty" for not having children gets nothing) and now all I have to do is decide where to retire, it gets pretty cold up here in the mountains which might not be good for arthritis.

Anyway, some of my other friends have told me reasons they want to have kids (they are still single, in their 40's and it ain't happening...get over it) and I have come up with some answers for their reasons.....


"I want to create a family so I could feel part of one, since the one I was born into leaves much to be desired."
Go see a therapist--it's cheaper and more rewarding.

"I want to have kids for selfish reasons: I want the life experience of being a mother. "
Go get a doll that eats and wets itself.

"I really want to be a parent. I had always wanted to have children (the more the better in my mind since childhood!). I do enjoy children, but I'm also good with children. I believe I can raise a good, responsible adult for the future..."
Lots of people believe that, and then they have to go back to work and after work they go see their adorable child, now grown, at Chino Prison...visiting hours are from 4 to 6.

"I look forward to watching them grow and hope that I can repeat the things my parents did right with me and add some good things of my own, while not making too many mistakes in the process."
Sounds like you need to spend more time in the kitchen COOKING, where you can add all the extra ingredients you want to Mom's recipes, and nobody gets hurt.

"It's a bid for eternal life, really; my way of investing in a future I won't be alive to see. It allows me to be a part of something bigger than myself. Selfish, really, when I think about it, especially since I know that if I had a daughter, her life would be HERS, not mine - but I would always be a part of her, no matter what sort of relationship we had, and that gives me tremendous pleasure."
So donate to charity if you really want to be part of something bigger than yourself that will outlive you.

"Like the others, it was a need I had to be a part of the life cycle."
So get a dog.

Any other reasons I missed????

Presidential Leardership Failure

(written by my friend David and I happen to agree...)

In the president we expect a leader -- that is to say someone who can envision trends and help to position our country to be stronger in the future than it is today. Here are some of the trends we are facing, and how our "leader" has responded and compromised our future.

Climate change -- accepted by the scientific community and widely acknowledged to be a contributing force to more severe weather events, e.g., hurricanes.

Bush response: pull out of Kyoto accord and denounce climate change as bunk; do not institute any programs to reduce green house gas emissions; relax environmental laws.

Energy/Oil - increasing world demand and stagnant/limited supply. It is clear that oil reserves are finite and that future economic productivity will need to rely less on oil than it does today. Whichever country can lead in the development of alternative energy technology will likely develop a very significant export economy in the sector.

Bush response: Drill in national wildlife refuge; give subsidies to those who drive gas-guzzling hummers; give tax incentives to the oil industry; make no serious effort in energy conservation; do not develop a serious alternative energy policy; let oil companies be the principal drafters of national energy policy.

National savings/Fiscal responsibility -- fiscal discipline is necessary to enable the country to have the flexibility to respond to future crises (economic, security and natural) and to maintain our current economy.

Bush response: runs up the biggest deficits in history, after inheriting a surplus - placing a large mortgage on our future budgets, strapping the current and next generations with more debt and reducing our ability to respond flexibly to current and future shocks; spends massively on a now unpopular foreign war while concurrently implementing tax cuts. Promises virtually unlimited response to Hurricane Katrina, before a clear plan for how the money will be spent has even been developed - no clear plan as to how to finance recovery.

National security - Need to maintain a network of cooperation among nations and battle terrorist threats. Terrorism is a global phenomenon that needs international effort to curtail, and also requires improved relations among Islamic countries.

Bush response: Squanders massive global goodwill toward US that followed 9/11 by invading Iraq under false pretense; fails to focus on capturing Bin Laden; diverts military and security resources to a war with a country that has nothing to do with 9/11; alienates much of world, including China and Russia, traditional enemies who for the first time recently held joint military exercises. Invasion of Iraq, among other actions, leads to lowest ever opinions of the US among Islamic countries, possibly fueling additional future terrorist acts and support.

Education - workforce productivity- the US highly educated and entrepreneurial workforce is what has enabled our country to achieve high living standards. To maintain these standards in the face of increasing competition from Europe, China, India and others the US to maintain its advantage.

Bush response: Cut funding for Pell grants (for economically disadvantaged to attend college); endorses teaching of "intelligent design", which places religion into public school teaching and reduces the time children have to learn real science.

On virtually every front of strategic importance to our country -- national security, environment/climate change, fiscal discipline and education -- Bush is making our country weaker and compromising our future. When Bush talks about a stronger America it is just more hollow rhetoric -- he's doing the opposite.

David

Somebody Pray For This Idiot

The things that pop up in my email.....

Dear Livi,

As you know, we've been working real hard in our town to get prayer back in the schools. Finally, the school board approved a plan of teacher-led prayer with the children participating at their own option. Children not wishing to participate were to be allowed to stand out in the hallway during the prayer time. We hoped someone would sue us so we could go all the way to the Supreme Court and get that old devil-inspired ruling reversed. Naturally, we were all excited by the school board's action. As you know, our own little Billy (not so little, any more, though) is now in the second grade. Of course, Margaret and I explained to him no matter what the other kids did, he was going to stay in the classroom and participate.

After the first day of school, I asked him, "How did the prayer time go? "Fine." "Did many kids go out into the hallway?" "Two." "Excellent. How did you like your teacher's prayer?" "It was different, Dad. Real different from the way you pray." "Oh? Like how?" "She said, 'Hail, Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners...'

The next day I talked with the principal. I politely explained I wasn't prejudiced against Catholics but I would appreciate Billy being transferred to a non-Catholic teacher. The principal said it would be done right away. At supper that evening I asked Billy to say the blessings. He slipped out of his chair, sat cross-legged on the floor, closed his eyes, raised his hands palms up and began to hum. You'd better believe I was at the principal's office at eight o'clock the next morning. "Look," I said. "I don't really know much about these Transcendental Meditationists, but I would feel a lot more comfortable if you could move Billy to a room where the teacher practices an older, more established religion.'"

This morning he had a new teacher, Crystal Ravenwood, a Pagan. Can you believe they would allow a Pagan to teach our children? He get's a new teacher, Mrs. Nakasone tomorrow. I hope this goes better.

This afternoon I met Billy as soon as he walked in the door after school. "I don't think you're going to like Mrs. Nakasone's prayer, either, Dad." "Out with it." "She kept calling God 'O Great Buddha...'"

The following morning I was waiting for the principal in the school parking lot. "Look, I don't want my son praying to the Eternal Spirit of whatever or to Buddha. I want him to have a teacher that prays in Jesus' name!" "What about Bertha Smith?" "Excellent."I could hardly wait to hear about Mrs. Smith's prayer. I was standing on the front steps of the school when the final bell rang."Well?" I asked Billy as we walked towards the car."Okay.""Okay what?""Mrs. Smith asked God to bless us and ended her prayer in Jesus' name, amen -- just like you." I breathed a sigh of relief. "Now we're getting someplace." "She even taught us a verse of scripture about prayer," said Billy.I beamed. "Wonderful. What was the verse?""Let's see..." he mused for a moment. " 'And behold, they began to pray; and they did pray unto Jesus, calling him their Lord and their God.'" We had reached the car. "Fantastic," I said, reaching for the door handle. Then I paused. I couldn't place the scripture. "Billy, did Mrs. Smith say what book that verse was from?" "Third Nephi, chapter 19, verse 18.""Third what?""Nephi," he said, "It's in the Book of Mormon."

The school board doesn't meet for a month. I've given Billy very definite instructions that at prayer time each day he's to go out into the hallway. I plan to be at that board meeting. If they don't do something about this situation, I'll sue. I'll take it all the way to the Supreme Court if I have to. I don't need the schools or anybody else teaching my son about religion. We can take care of that ourselves at home and at church, thank you very much.

Give my love to Senna.
Your friend,
Jack

Dankeschön, Deutschland

This is from my friend Loren.......

Remember those estimates that it would take three months to pump out New Orleans? About 10 days ago I was in a hotel in the Dominican Republic, watching Deutsche Welle, the German international television channel. I saw a great story about a team of 89 experts from Germany that had flown over with some 15 high performance pumps to help pump out the city. Ten days later, I hear that New Orleans is dry. But has there been any mention in the US media of Germany's help?? Any thanks to Germany? None that I have seen.

Deutsche Welle (English version):http://www.dw-world.de/dw/article/0,1564,1704325,00.html

Here are quotes from two European sources (found through Google): The German mobile pumps were installed Saturday at Station 19 and already have moved 20 million liters of water out of the flooded city. Their progress could be measured late Sunday by the high-water mark on the brick wall of the station, which was two meters above the surface of the remaining black water. The pumpers work around the clock in 12-hour shifts -- in the sweltering daytime heat and at night when the only sound other than the forlorn howling of abandoned dogs in the deserted city is the churning of the pump motors and the gurgling of water pouring into the canal. It's tough work hauling the drainage hoses, which weigh as much as 180 kilograms, from place to place as the pumps are moved.

"The heat is a problem for us," Weber said. "We're not really used to this climate."Most of the pumpers are volunteers who left their jobs for four weeks to help Americans recover from Katrina, the latest in a string of disasters where their expertise has been needed. The agency, known in German as Technisches Hilfswerk, helped dry areas flooded by the Asian tsunami last year and by heavy rains in the south of France in 2003. "It's great to be in America and help the people here. It's a great feeling to be here," said Oliver Braun, leader of the team working at Station 19.

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/12092005/323/german-pumping-team-helps-new-orleans-flooding-recede-faster-expected.html

The THW mission includes 89 experts in water damage/pumping and infrastructure and a five-person support team from the Cross of St. John; they are joined by five members of the Luxembourg Civil Defense. The group arrived in New Orleans on September 8. The TWH team brought with them 15 high-capacity pumps – 10 which can handle up to 15,000 liters per minute, and 5 which can handle 5,000 liters per minute – and has so far deployed pumps in four locations in the city and in neighboring St. Bernard's Parish.

http://www.germany-info.org/relaunch/politics/new/pol_bo_THW_09_2005.htm

I realize that President Bush, in common with a lot of Americans, finds it difficult to admit that international aid has been helpful. But how hard is it, really, to stand up and say, "Thank you!" once in a while?

I'll do it myself: "Dankeschön, Deutschland!"
Loren

No comment necessary from me!

A Moral Test

From my friend Sherry...

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

SITUATION - You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

THE TEST - Suddenly you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It's George W. Bush! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever. You have two options--you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful politicians.

THE QUESTION - Please give an honest answer: Would you select high-contrast color film , or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

I think black and white would capture the moment nicely, don't you?

A wise old gentleman

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon, three young boys full of youthful after-school enthusiasm came down his street beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. "Look" he said. "I haven't received my Social Security (Pension) check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?""A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"

And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

So, have you ever outwitted some brats and have a story to share?

Fish heads, fish heads, roly poly fish heads

That's a big one!

http://www.geocities.com/animalgreen/BushVaca.jpg

Throw it back...both of them!

Were they the last to know?

UK TV gets it right http://www.volvoclub.org.uk/dc/user_files/1193.jpg

Stations in life.....

For 3 years I've had the same "bulldozer" at work. 8 hours a day I sit there doing my work. It's just your average bulldozer, or so I thought. Turns out that I've been sitting on the wrong bulldozer all this time, my dozer is for managers only so Tuesday I got a new bulldozer. Well, not new, refirbished and a lower quality. Now don't get me wrong, I really don't care what kind of dozer I use but the fact that it was good enough for me for the last 3 years and now all the sudden I'm not good enough for it kinda irks me and all this came about because a fellow employee from another area of the gravel pit, came into our work area and noticed that my dozer was of better quality than hers so she tattled and made a big deal of it. I feel sorry for her that she felt the need to do this. I guess she is made to feel even worse about herself in her work station than I am in mine and that indeed is sad.

Damn gravel pit.

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz......

Oh what a relief it is to have a place to vent my life frustrations so as not to scare off my friends. I mean nobody likes to hear you whine, really so this is a great way to get it out without making my friends block my phone number. So, onto my first rant.

Work. Who was the idiot who thought up this idea? I'd like to hang him by his testicles from the highest tree. I hate work, not just my work, any work. I'm not one of those "I find work soooo rewarding" types. I'm a "throw the alarm clock against the wall" type and having a really sucky job with a really sucky company doesn't help.

I work at "The Gravel Pits", obviously not it's real name but even though I hate my job, I need to keep it so hence the name. The Gravel Pits is a well known company that treats it's employees like crap...more than most even. I've only been there a few years but I've been paying attention and it's disgusting to say the least. People fired for being in their 50's due to company cut backs, only to be replaced within 3 months by 20 something temps or snot nosed art appreciation grads only too happy to accept $26k to start. People who are hurt on the job that seek treatment that costs the pits money (we are self insured) or time off for recouping, only to be let go the minute they return or sometimes they don't even get to come back. People who put in 15 years of hard work only to be discarded like a used rubber. I use this metaphor as they do indeed feel fucked. I hope it was good for them.Then there are the famous annual evaluations that lead up to merit raises. Even though a survey of 48,012 employees, managers and CEO's across the country show that only 13% of employees and managers and only 6% of CEO's think these things are worth anything and 88% feel they negatively impact their opinion of HR (www.peopleiq.com), our pit still puts us through this bunk and uses it against us. I actually cried when I got my last one and it's hard to make me cry. Last time I cried was on a Tuesday in November in 2004. This past year I had a co-workers job dumped on me as she was part of the annual lay-offs, so my workload doubled and yet I was screwed out of a bonus or a decent raise..in fact most were.

The GP has 3 different kinds of gravel for sale and one type sells really well so those guys get the raises and bonuses while the rest of us get bunk even though we have nothing to do with the sale of the gravel. They parade the good gravel employees in front of us to make us feel even worse. Switch jobs and work for the good gravel you say? Love to but my boss Mr. Slate would not sign off on the request and at the GP you have to have your boss approve your move within the pits.Find another job entirely you say? Well, good idea except I've been in the gravel biz for many years and this company is the closest gravel pit to my home, the rest are all far far away and I really don't want to move at this point so here I stay, the masochist that I am. I've only scratched the surface on the pits but Breaking Bonaduce will be on soon so I'm going to stop here....more later, aren't you lucky?